But alas it's not going to happen because I don't break easy.LoL..I normally turn it over to God and know that eventually "This to shall pass" It is hard sometimes to gather my thoughts at times though,stress does that I think it's called the flight impulse were we have to run in panic or at least the brain thinks that.To technical for me...I've finially come to terms that my Dad may die from the cancer.They gave him a 50/50 chance without the chemo.He has refused the injections but agreed to take the pill he should have both.He said he has been knocked down to long and can't go the whole way for now.He is in constant pain,hates the colostomy bag,is worn out and truth be told I don't think he cares if he goes on.He was a person who loved to work and be out and about.The doctors have told him he will never return to work like he did.No he is not miserable to be around but if you lose the will to live that's most of the battle.I spend alot of time taking him to doctors and just visiting with him.I've come to terms that I was a good daughter and was there for whatever he needed.I hope for the best but know what might be...Stress number two is my sister being back in my life.What she has done is horrible I'm not ready to discuss it.I know forgiveness is the right thing but I don't forgive her,every time I see her my heart breaks and the anger sets in.I have prayed and prayed on this one.Really if you had to be thrown in a place with the person who caused you so much pain repeatedly it would be hard for you too.Most people can say they forgive because they don't have to see the person.With the holidays coming up I hope I can get past this...So the moral of all this? Well there are so many special people who touch your life and heart.So many of you sweet girls are better friends than the people I see daily.So many ties that bound and we find each other through our similiarities.When a person is struggling those little things make a world of differnce.The little card that shows up in the mail.The encouraging email. The prayer and good thoughts sent up on your behalf..Then there are simply amazing people who out of the blue send a big old surprise..
Yep Linda Parker is that person.She bought tears to my eyes knowing that someone thought of me.She sent me the wonderful stitcheries and the sweet beeskep and other goodies.That lil beeskep ment the most though because I knew while she was going about her daily task she thought of me especially.Thank you sweet Linda for always being my friend and the encouragement you give me.I love all the sweetness you send my way..And so many of you are truely special to me...I have realized in the last few days that there are soooo many ways I'm blessed and will be Thankful each day..I'm not saying the fog will lift and all sadness will be gone but if we look for JOY it will be there in the simplest of things..I've always said those Random acts can mean so much to someone so even if it's just a smile or a hello it can turn a world around for someone.
Still with me? Sorry so long just so many of you care and worry so I wanted to update you.Oh and Linda not sure why you sent the wonderful gifts.My birthday? Truely love those stitcheries of yours.
May you all find joy and happiness.As my sweet friend Cheryl always says "Snatch Joy" ~Amy
27 comments:
Amy, Your post really touched me because I had been through so much with my dad, he will be gone 5 years the 14th, it was hard then and still hard, sometime I just have to stop, hideaway, regroup and keep going, I feel for you what you are going through. Take one day at a time and take care of yourself, you have to get through it, do whatever it takes for you. I know since I have been blogging I am so amazed at how supportive the girls are, they were more supportive then people I have known all my life, its just amazing they care so much. Thank you for letting us know what you are going through with your dad, my thoughts and prayers will be with you both. Sending you big hugs, Vicky
My heart goes out to you, Amy!
I'm glad to hear you turn these things over to God as that's all any of us can do and just this week I've been blessed to think over just two words from Psalm 139 'Thou knowest...'
Whatever it is, God knows and understands all about us and 'it' even if we feel like He doesn't. God never changes.
Praying for you and you loved ones.
Christine
Hi Amy,
Linda is such a sweet soul. She truly knows how to make a person feel special.
I'm sorry to read your dad has decided to not go through all the treatments.We can't imagine what people with cancer feel but we can try to show our love for them in what ever they decide. I know you are doing all you can for him and I'm sure he knows you love him. All I can say is take a day at a time. You are a strong women and will look back and feel good knowing you were there for him. Just remember God never gives us more than we can handle.
My thoughts and Prayer are always with you.
Blessings and big hugs,
Jean
Amy I am so sorry you are going through dark times. Cancer is just awful and is no respecter of age. Prayers for you my friend. Linda Parker is a dear.
Oh, Amy,I'm so sorry that you are in the most of trials. I hate being tried and tested, but love the closeness that I gain with Christ through suffering. I know that He can use it for His glory!
Linda is my Mom - I'm so glad that she was able to be used to bless you! The spirit of Encouragement is one of her gifts!
Hugs and Blessings,
Sara
Linda is a sweetheart, always thinking of others. I'm sorry you are going through a difficult time right now. Hard times have a way of taking their toll on us. One day at a time, that's the best any of us can do. Positive and healing thoughts, Mindy
Amy,
That dear sweet Linda just knows , Linda Claus is alot more like santa than we think , always seeing when we need the pick me up ! Im so sorry your having such a hard way to go lately wish I was closer and there was something I could do to help!Im praying for you sweetie and worryin bout you as well ! Remember this if he leadeth us to it he will leadeth us through it ! Hugs lilraggedyangie
Hi Amy,
Everyone has said the things I was thinking as I read your post. You are thought of. You are prayed for. You are not alone. I am sending a hug your way and prayers upward.
Melissa
Phillippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
So sorry you're having such a difficult time. It seems you've gone above and beyond for your dad. I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to watch him suffer. And I'm praying that you can have some peace with the situation with your sister. You're such a sweet person Amy, you deserve to be happy.
Your words bring tears to my eyes. The pain you are going through. As I read your post it brought to mind the memories & hurt I have seen. My heart goes out to you & prayer lifted. I cared for my Pap who was more a father than a Pap to me. The six years after Gram passed. He was not doing well & just gave up. It hurt so bad to sit by as he refused treatment. I wanted him to fight. I pleaded. Maybe it was sealfish of me but I was not ready to say good bye. Really I believe we never are. Shortly after Paps passing the family fight began again. It started when Gram passed. For the past two years my two sisters who also helped care for Pap have not spoken to me. It hurts to have sisters who treated me the way they did. Wonderful bloggers have been my support system in bad times over these two years & shared my happiness. So sweet of Linda to send you this wonderful package of love. Bloggers girls are the sisters we dont have. Always there & uplifting. Blessings!
Lara
Amy, my dear sweet Amy,
I am so very sorry. I don't have any big words of wisdom either, all I know is that God is with us through all times.
I am sorry about your dad, truly, I know cancer is such that it takes whomever it wants to and changes their whole lives forever.
I also know about forgiving a family member~ for me, it's been my dad. I find that for me, I am better for the most part to keep my heart guarded, it has been broken too many times. Forgiving is one thing, it doesn't mean you have to be someones' doormat. You need to take care of you~and know that holding this inside isn't doing you any good sweetie! That Linda is very special! I can think of no one more deserving than you. I haven't been around as much either, busy time at work and having trouble with the one computer, so I can't post any pictures on this computer. Pooh~ hopefully, the hubby will get it figured out.
Hang in there and I hope that you have a good night!
Hugs,
Renee
Amy, you are in my prayers. Continue to trust God, He will lift you up. And sweet friends like Linda certainly help too.
Blessings,
Sue
Hello Amy,
I was so touched by your post -there was so much I could understand. My dad was sick with Emphysema for a very, very long time - it was difficult to see it take its toll on him - it was difficult to see it take its toll on my family. He passed away several years ago, I miss him so much - knowing he's missing my children grow - four years after he passed away my mother died of lung cancer - we were able to be with her on Mother's Day - she passed away the very next day - then a couple of years ago my brother was murdered - there are only my siblings and I now. We have tense moments when we get together -we are just so different. but, despite that I cherish each time I can be with them. Faith in God is what keeps me going - I have grown to trust God more over the years - I know He will bring you through too. Praying for you!!
God Bless,
Kathy
Oh dearest Amy - one can almost touch your sorrow and your love in this post....I, too, am sorry for the pain you are going through, and, as others, can relate in my own way. My father died when he was very young (a form of cancer also) - he was an outdoors man - and nothing broke my heart - as young as it was - to see him standing with a cane at the kitchen sink trying to do dishes because he could do nothing else....I understood then his wish to let go. Now, almost 40 years later, I hear my mother tell me she is ready...I'm not, but she is. Selfish? I don't know....I just know it hurts...as I know you know. Please know you continue to be in my prayers - and in my heart and thoughts....As for your sister, I have studied some of the Amish beliefs and ways - one thing that always amazed me was their uncanny ability to forgive, as I was never so good at that. But they believe that if you do not let go of the anger and the resentment, then it is YOU who are being punished. Forgiveness does not make what the offender did ok - or excuse it in any manner - it just acknowledges that you are not their judge....I wish I had words to help ease your pain - but I do not....just know we're here for us if you need us....Hugs & Blessings ~ Robin
Amy, I still pray for you and your Dad. I know this is a very hard time for you. I wish there were magic words or miracles I could perform, but there aren't. The stitchings are what I can do and I do hope they make you smile and let you know that I am thinking of you....
★Linda★
Oh girl..wish I could be there and just give you a whole bunch of big ol' hugs!!! Big bear ones too!! Love ya girl!
Brenda
Amy~I almost cried when I read your post. I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with such trials in your life right now but just keep praying and God will bring you through it all. Maybe your dad will change his mind and take the chemo and if not just remember that you have done all that you can do. Just keep in mind that God is in control. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. By the way I loved the stitcheries that Linda sent you. What a geat lady!
((BIG HUGS))~Christina
My heart goes out to you! I've been there. I lost my dad to cancer 12 yrs ago. He refused chemo and just gave up. I took care of him also. The hard part was that my husband passed away 8 months befor my dad. My Dad was the one who taught me how to fix things around the house and to go on without my husband and to be strong for my boys. So not long after my husband died,(long story) we found out my Dad had stage 4 cancer. He was sick for a long time and never told anyone. He always made excuses for being tired and looking pale. He did have surgery, but refused chemo and gave up. He passed away in just 8 months. I went from taking care of my husband to taking care of my Dad. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I have 10 brothers and sisters and only one sister helped me in my time of need. I kinda know the feeling your going through. We are not a close family, but it's hard to forgive them for not being there for me in my time of need. Keeping you in my prayers dear friend! Sending out a big hug to you and hoping things get better. Take Care.....Sandi
Oh Amy, I am so sorry you are going through this. Just stay strong and like you said, this to shall pass, not on our time like we would like but on Gods time. There is a lesson in here for you somewhere and you will be a stronger person for it. I know that is hard to grasp when you are in the middle of it but you have lots of us out here praying for you :) Be Joyful Friend!!!
Big giant hugs!!!Stacy
Hi Amy,
I'm sorry these are times in your life that are stressful...and I know how your father is feeling...my MIL felt the same when she had cancer...she decided rather than go through all the chemo and pain just to live a couple months longer but with not a good quality of life she opted for the same as your Father....we couldn't talk her out of it. I guess we need to listen to them although it is one of the toughest things to do.
I'm sorry your sister is adding to all this - I pray for peace with you and her - God does take care of us in HIS TIME.
And then there's Linda Parker...yes she is an Angel for all of us that have been blessed with her kindness and you know what? She always seems to sense when it is the right time to send to someone...mine came last week when I was really at one of my lowest points in a long time. Bless her heart.
Hugs and prayers to you dear lady.
Karen
((((Amy)))) I am sorry about your father. I wish we could all just hug your pain away. My prayers are with you all.
I'm sorry about your sister too. It never feels good to have to have a person forced into your life just because they are family. I'm going through this exact situation right now. And I understand your not forgiving. I know it's what we are suposed to do but when someone hurts you again and again and again and constantly gets away with it there is just a point where enough is enough and you don't have to allow it any longer. I'm at that point too. So I really understand and I'm really sorry, for both of us.
I am praying for peace and serinity to you int his difficult time.
And that Linda, God bless her. She always knows right when to reach out to us. Always. ♥
Carmen and the Primcats
Amy I wish I could give you a big hug!!! You're right though this sad period in your life shall pass. Hang in there and find happiness where you can. Wishing you and your family the best.
So sorry dear Amy. I know words can't really help the pain. I'm thankful that you are giving it to Jesus and letting Him carry you through. Sometimes, that's even hard to do because we want to hold on, it's so hard to give Him complete control. Praying for peace for your dear heart and strength to face each new day.
I love my blog friends and I'm so thankful that God has brought each one of them into my life. Although I haven't known you very long, I am very thankful for YOU as well!
Wishing a blessed and peaceful week for you~
Oh my dear, sweet, sweet Amy. My heart aches because I lost my dad when I was just 25, so I can certainly relate to that and as for the stress of having a mean spirited person in the thick of things...well I can relate there too. It's a story I'm not ready to tell yet, but I do know that forgiving that person is so freeing, it will be like a heavy weight is lifted, but I also know that, as hard as I tried, it took me a LONG time to find forgiveness. Keep giving it to God everyday and He will make a way for you this holiday season. You are never far from my thoughts and prayers these days...I havent been online much, but always know I am thinking of you and praying for you my sweet friend.
What a blessing Linda is...I wish that everyone could have a Linda in their life. I too have found such wonderful friends, full of joy and ready to share it, here in our little prim world.
Keep your chin up and your heart set to the Lords music...He is always near, even in our darkest hours.
Gigantic primalicious hugs to you,
Margie
Dear Amy...
Almost always there are words that, when arranged and woven between my heart and mind, seem worth being put to paper/cyber-screen with a fleeting hope of helping in some small way.
But where life has asked you stand right now, the weight of what these days ask you to watch, deal with, what each dawn asks you to live thru right now is beyond tolerance. So far beyond any words I have...
I only imagine the pain (your father) and the outrage & hurt (your sister) that washes over your days. The pain, the worry, the frustration and the anger. Finding your way thru each jagged piece so searing it borders on the impossible.
Yet somehow you will. There's no right or wrong way, no prescribed path. All that matters is finding what footing you can from each morninga' waking to each darkening evening ~ having done whatever you thought best come the end of each day.
I will remind you what you already know sweetie - you are cared for by many here. You WILL emerge on the other side of this - changed evermore - yet emerge you will.
If only life offered ways in which the unthinkable could be easier ~ if only life were fair ~ as it should be. If only siblings were always blessings and never bane (or bringers of pain).
If only....
_______________________________
ps sorry for multiple deletes, a bit of blogger hiccuping
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